you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
