I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
