rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
