we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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