I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
