woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
