dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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