just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
