if i can run in heels then i can drive
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
