I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
