Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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