party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
