and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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