hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
