how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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