the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
