you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
