I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
