Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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