My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
