I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
