i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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