i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
