I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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