Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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