@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
