I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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