from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My life is pants optional.
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