I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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