Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
