i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish you could order shots online.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
