Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
