You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
