Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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