Having a random hookup so left but love u
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
