I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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