Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
