grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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