I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
