Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
