your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
