capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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