WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
