Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
