We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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