nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
