Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
