why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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