Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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