i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
