so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
