im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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