I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
