I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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