they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
