1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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