He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
