He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
