We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
nutella sex= disaster
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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