Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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