My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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